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| Thanksgiving. Thankfulness. Gratefulness. Gratitude.
For every moment in my life. | | |
| "Because that's what people do. They leap, and hope to God they can fly, because otherwise you just drop like a rock, wondering the whole way down, why in the hell did I jump."
Why the hell did I jump? Did I even think about it before I hurled myself off the damn cliff? What for?
I am falling, and to be quite honest, I do not know if you will catch me like you were supposed to. | | |
| I've been sitting in front of my computer staring at this blank box for quite sometime. I cannot seem to put anything into words. Everything feels so disorganized and haywire.
I was signing up for school and cracking down on my PCAT books, and never have I ever felt like such a failure. My plan to graduate in three years; not happening anymore. Getting into UMB to get my PharmD seems so far fetched now. I feel like I should just rip out my brain and donate it for research, therefore I can say I did my part for the advancement of science (if it's even worth anything that is). I am not an overachiever, really, I am not. It's just a horrid feeling when you know that the life you had planned out is wrecked. Of course I'm going to spend some time moping about it; it's hard to swallow.
I'm learning that knowing the difference between when to hang on and when to let go is really truly important. Maybe it's that sometimes I have to lose the good things in life to make room for the great things.. as painful as it is.
Aside from that.
For the first time, I find myself exposed and vulnerable; but is that not what being in a relationship means? With anyone? Of course it's awkward, but I'm slowly and steadily finding ground and foundation.
Maybe a kiss is just a kiss, and that is all that it is.
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| Life is not a box of chocolates...
Its more like one of those 3D million piece puzzles of some ridiculous landmarks that you try and put together forever only to either give up or find out your missing a piece.
Chocolates you can just eat.
I don't want to regret anything anymore. Because when I think about it, regret doesn't mean anything and will never amount to anything. You should live, hurt, cry, feel, laugh, and learn. You can't have everything you want, ever. Therefore you must take everything as it comes, whether the ways are calm or suffocating. We learn from everything we do and we don't do. So why, just sit back and watch the current. I want to feel; every wave, every rock, every bend, and every splash. I want to be in it. I have been standing on the side of life watching it float by. I want to swim in the river. I want to feel it.
Even if it hurts like hell. Even if it's the suckiest moment ever. Even if the sky is falling down. I'm down. What other choice do I have.
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| Everything seems so haywire lately. How in the hell did it get to this point?
I feel as if many people are unhappy these days. Well not exactly everyone, but the majority. When I take a look around, people's faces don't light up the way they used to and their smiles aren't exactly the same. I had to ask myself, is it because perhaps I am unhappy, but I mean, I've never really been too happy. But the more I listen and take a look around, things have changed.
Why the loss of luster?
Why does my heart feel so heavy?
-Vague thoughts I was happening today.
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